Anger and Domestic Violence

Uncontrolled and inappropriately expressed anger is a major problem in relationships and in families. Anger and domestic violence is present when an abuser repeatedly and unpredictably uses intimidation and threats of physical force to control others. These threats often lead to physical assaults, resulting in bodily and psychological harm to spouses, partners and other members of the family. This inappropriate expression of anger damages and violates trust in intimate relationships. It can leave its victims with physical and psychological injuries and trauma, and in severe cases, may lead to death.

For years society and psychology thought that anger was biochemically determined, that it was instinctive to human nature, that it was caused by frustration and that it was emotionally healthy to “vent.” What we now know from science is that anger is learned as a way of coping and that it is determined and influenced by what we have come to believe about ourselves, about others and about life. And contrary to previous popular belief, venting anger does not lead to real relief or lasting catharsis. Instead it leads to more stress, more irritability and more anger.

Anger and the threat of physical force erode the trust necessary for building strong families and sustaining healthy intimate relationships. To change this, the angry person in a relationship must come to understand how he or she first learned to express anger in order to learn to express it in more adaptive and socially acceptable ways.

You and your partner are in danger if either of you express anger in ways that are verbally and physically abusive and explosive. And if either you or your partner avoid and suppress anger, you may be in danger of developing other disorders including anxiety, sleep problems, loss of energy and concentration, temporomandibular joint (TMJ), high blood pressure, and a full range of gastro-intestinal problems such as irritable bowel syndrome, constipation and diarrhea.

Here’s how we can help. We begin by conducting a Confidential Assessment Interview so that without further delay, we can assess the history, the frequency, severity and intensity of anger in your relationship. The history of anger and violence in your relationship will give us important information about patterns of social family learning in your past and the severity and intensity of anger and violence in your relationship will help us understand your current level of risk for serious physical injury, including death.

Working together, we’ll devise a specialized treatment plan for you both, so you no longer have to live in anger and the doubt, confusion, and emotional uncertainties that aggressive anger creates.

Below are just a few points that you’ll learn as you build new, healthy, safe relationship free of the uncertain and damaging effects of aggressive, abusive and violent anger. You will learn:

You can expect quick and positive results as you learn more about the events that have shaped your lives, as you increase your communication and problem solving skills and as you learn to recognize the stressful triggers that produce the destructive anger and drama.

My hope for you is that you and your partner realize you cannot continue to live in an atmosphere of anger, fear, uncertainty and the possibility of violence and physical harm. My hope is that you will both see the urgent need to act now to get help together, otherwise the personal safety of one or both of you may be at risk. If you read this, and you are in danger and live in fear of being harmed, I urgently recommend that you prepare a well-thought-out safety plan to free yourself from the danger of unpredictable explosive anger and the domestic violence that follows.