Couples Counseling

The decision to marry is arguably the most important decision that two people will ever make. That decision will affect their own lives individually and it will determine the course of their lives together as a couple.

Most couples marry after a pattern of experiences: they meet; they experience physical attraction and sexual arousal; they value similarities and differences in each other; they discover a like-mindedness in how they view the world; they enjoy spending time together and feel special and important in each other’s company; and they find safety and a shared sense of meaning especially in the hope of fulfilling individual and collective dreams.

So how is it that marriages that begin with so much hope, begin to breakdown into emotional isolation and divorce? There are many complex answers, but for this limited discussion, let’s consider the nature of conflict, the consequences of avoiding conflict and the communication skills all couples need to manage conflict.

Couples Counseling can help. In counseling couples more clearly come to understand:

• There are conflicts in all relationships
• Some conflicts can be resolved, others can’t
• That un-resolvable or perpetual conflicts are best managed by continued skillful intimate and respectful communications rather than by avoidance
• How conflicts are managed and discussed reveals important qualities of each individual and the relationship itself
• Habitually avoiding conflict weakens the trust in a relationship and the relationship itself
• That the skill, technique and language of effective conflict communications ultimately encourage attitudes of acceptance, intimacy and trust

Conflict is a natural part of all marriages and relationships and results from individual and collective strivings for completion, security, meaning and fulfillment.

And whatever its origin or its significance, conflict has a way of revealing hidden parts of our own identities, where we see simultaneously, the hope of completion and the fear of rejection. It is the quality of truth in disclosure and revelation that threatens our vulnerabilities and raises the fear of rejection, making conflict avoidance seem appropriate. But in time, avoiding conflict leads to the denial and distortion of our own needs and it stops us from becoming closer to the person we first loved as we become more distant in what we thought was the safety of avoiding conflict.

Couples must understand that the problem in marriages and relationships is not the conflict itself, but rather its habitual avoidance. Avoiding conflict is the most important predictor of divorce.

As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Licensed Professional Counselor, I provide marriage counseling to San Antonio, TX and globally through private video sessions.

My interest, passion and commitment to guiding couples through conflict led me to the work of John Gottman, Ph.D. The Gottman Method of couples’ communication is a proven, powerful method based on 40 years of Dr. Gottman’s scientific research with both “the Masters and Disasters of Marriage.” The Gottman method is a scientifically based, structured therapy and skills training that helps couples achieve a deeper sense of understanding, empathy and connectedness in their relationship. By combining therapeutic interventions with time-tested couples exercises, clients develop the tools necessary to understand and navigate the nature of conflict and build connection in their relationships. Contact us today to get started.