Infidelity
No marriage is immune to infidelity! Bad people in bad marriages have affairs and good people in good marriages have affairs.
The hope is that anyone who has an affair will recognize that an affair inflicts intense emotional pain and severely damages the foundations of trust essential to an enduring and healthy marriage. An affair is a “red flag” that signals the possible loss of a marriage and calls into question the emotional safety and security that every couple and every family needs.
How Couples React Determines the Outcome of Their Marriage
Avoidance
Many couples want to avoid the pain and discomfort of discussing the affair – one or both may decide that the best way to put the affair behind them is to never talk about it again. They rationalize that: “…the affair happened, that it can’t be undone and talking about it just makes things worse.” This strategy only leads to resignation, growing anger, emotional isolation, mistrust and a joyless marriage. Choosing avoidance is a strong indicator of divorce or a life of emotional isolation.
Divorce
Couples who avoid the necessity of talking about the affair may stay together in an unfulfilled marriage, but those who avoid the issue are more likely to divorce, setting in motion multiple social, familial, legal and financial consequences that tear families apart.
Restore Trust
Couples who are able to fully disclose and discuss all aspects of the affair can gain valuable insights into themselves and their partners. Through this discussion, couples will come to understand how unmet needs and unresolved injuries of the past created an emotional climate of disengagement that ultimately led to the affair. Through difficult but honest dialogue, couples can build new foundations of trust that increase the chance of restoring their union.
“All the King’s Horses and All the King’s Men…”
Your marriage may seem hopelessly broken but the good news is that there is also hope if you both want there to be. Counseling and Coaching present the process that will lead you to your goal of rebuilding trust and repairing injuries on both sides of the relationship. But… you must be prepared and committed to a challenging journey, because you will learn not only to confront the unmet needs inside your marriage and also any unresolved issues of your pre-married life that may have injured you and left you feeling powerless. Power and the abuse of power along with unstable interpersonal boundaries are common denominators in understanding infidelity. Couples who undergo the journey will have to reconsider their values and their beliefs and put them to the test to see if they hold integrity. For many, it seems easier to quickly put the affair behind them, as if it never happened and as if it will never happen again. For those fortunate couples who decide to do the work, the journey becomes the defining moment of discovering the truth of who they are to themselves and to those they love.